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It’s Only Common Sense: Listen Up or Lose Out

“Listen up or lose out” is not only the title of this column, it’s also the title of a great new book I just came across, and also the best advice that you can give anyone no matter what their field of business. And, of course, it is especially cogent advice for those in sales.

Looking back over my past columns, I see that I have done many columns on listening—true, intentional listening. But an inability to truly listen is still the number one problem I deal with when I am training salespeople. And, frankly, I think it is getting worse. People are practicing the art of intentional listening less today than ever before. We are all so in love with the sound of our own voices that we seldom actually stop for a minute and listen to what the other person is saying.

Think of the political situation in this country today, for example...well, never mind. Let’s instead turn to the art of listening as practiced by successful communicators.

First, I would urge you all to buy Listen Up or Lose Out: How to Avoid Miscommunication, Improve Relationships, and Get More Done Faster, written by Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton. Buy it online right now...that’s how important I think this new book is. It’s not only one of the rare books on this extremely important subject, it could be the book on the subject.

The book covers everything you need to know about listening, including how to develop the right skills to be a great listener, not an easy task. Here are some of the subjects covered in this book:

Knowing when to listen and when to speak

Full disclosure: This is one of the challenges that I face every day, especially on the phone. It happens when I think that the person I am talking to has finished saying what she wanted to say and there is a pause, and I take that opportunity to jump in, only to realize she was taking a short break and wasn’t done. Then we have one of those awkward verbal dances filled with, “Sorry go ahead." “No, you go." That goes on for a while. This happens to me because I am petrified of pauses. I hate the pause; its scares the heck out of me. This book address how to handle the pauses.

Asking the right questions at the right time

Listening is also key to a great conversation and then the right questions, those questions whose answers are going to move the conversation forward and lead it to where you want it to go. Obviously, this is a very important tactic when driving a sales pitch.

Listening intentionally, instead of thinking about what you are going to say

Oh, I am guilty of this one too; it's another one I need to work on. Honestly, I think this is the most challenging issue to overcome. We are so busy focusing on what we are going to say next that we can miss the gist of what the person is saying right now. And, in many cases, by not listening intently we can be missing something the person says that could make the answer we are preparing, ridiculous. Example: You are talking to your customer about when she is going to place that next order. While she is talking about all the things her company must consider when placing that order, you are preparing to ask her point blank if she can tell you whether the order will be placed this month. And while your formulating that question she is saying that the order will be placed next week. When she is done talking, you jump in and ask her when the order will be placed. Busted! That eye-roll you get from her is saying, “If you had been paying attention you would have the answer to your question.”

Using your body to show you are listening

When you’re listening intently, really listening to someone your entire being takes part. Your eyes are looking at the person, your body is hunched forward, you find yourself nodding in agreement. Your body is telling that person that you are listening, that you are paying attention.

Knowing when the person has more to say but just needs the time to say it

Oh, that dreadful pause again. Relax while you’re listening. Letting a little pause in there once in a while will be worth it.

Finally, one quick story about how intentional listening and living with the pause paid off for me. Years ago, I was trying to close a military contract with a customer in Tampa, Florida. I had been working on this contract for months. The customer was stalling and I knew there was another supplier nipping at my heels. I had heard that the other supplier had been to visit this customer the week before. So, I called the buyer to learn more about the situation, and I could tell by listening like my life depended on it (because it did) that he was wavering. He had gone from, “All you have the do is sharpen your pencil a little bit more and the contract is yours,” to wavering. So, I made a snap decision and told him that my pencil was sharp, I would put the finishing touches on my final proposal, send it to him and I would be there Monday to close the deal.

Monday, I flew to Tampa for our meeting, and at 1:30 I was sitting across the desk from him. We had discussed the new proposal, He said he liked it but that he would still have to think about it for a few days. I looked him straight in the eye and told him, “No, I flew down here to close this deal, and this is what I am going to do.” I then put my pen, a gold Cross pen, in front of him and told him he needed to sign our contract. And then I sat back and shut up, and he shut up, and we sat there for over five minutes without either of us saying a word, seeing who was going to be able to handle the silence the longest and then he caved. He looked at me, shook his head and said, “You $&%@!” And he picked up the pen and signed the contract! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what can happen when you do not live in fear of the dreadful silent pause.

Listen Up or Lose Out is published by Amacon. I urge you to buy and read it. It’ll be the best $20 you’ve spent this year.

It’s only common sense.